If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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