I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm both gender and math confused
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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