Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
