This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
