i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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