i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
where am i from again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
