I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
porn star boner night. come get it.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
