You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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