Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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