Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
