she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
