He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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