Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You left your phone here
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