peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
