Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
