I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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