I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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