i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
