I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
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The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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