I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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