I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
