went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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