Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
