The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The beer is more important than you right now.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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