I wish i was in the wii world.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
