you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
