I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
