I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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