i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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