i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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