she woke up with a sticky ear
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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