a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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