apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
