I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
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You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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