she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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