I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My balls are so social today.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
