I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
