Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
