PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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