I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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