i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
