So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
