All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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