1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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