I'm eating all of the evidence.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
