Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
