Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
