He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
