Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
