fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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