first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So. Much. Porn.
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