apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
