I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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