i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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