Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
