Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
