Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You took a bar mat shot.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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