return my video game
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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