remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize