turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
smell my finger.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
