ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
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ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.