oh god the rape fog is back!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked