the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
