my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
