Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
