I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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