It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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