enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
