I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
