Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
