I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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