dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Randomize
