fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
