im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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