All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
