Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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