dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
