and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
