You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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