so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
farters have to be the big spoon...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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