Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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