mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
