If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize