so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
