dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
