what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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