Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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