You made me cry and you don't even care
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
