Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
